If there’s one simple theme of Christmas, it’s giving. And if there’s a simple theme for New Year’s, it’s change. The end of the year marks an opportunity to reflect on what we’ve done in the last year and to think about what we can change in the year to come.
In the New Year, we often think about where we’ll be one year from now. A new year offers a blank slate. It’s an opportunity to grow and change into something better. We have hope that there’s still something we can do.
Almost everyone makes some sort of New Year’s resolution. And it seems that for most people, disappointingly, almost none of these resolutions come to be. We might have ambitious goals and plenty of motivation on January 1st. But it’s rare that we see that energy stay until February or March, let alone December.
What is it that we’re missing? What makes it so all that motivation fades away so fast? If we want to learn to live better lives, it’s crucial that we learn how to change. In that case, we have to ask ourselves what we’re missing that makes it so hard to become someone better.
How We Choose Resolutions
How is it that we set resolutions? What is it that we see when we decide to try to make a change? Often, we look at something negative. We think of something we’re not happy with. Maybe it’s fitness or a bad habit. We think about getting rid of something instead of trying to build something greater.
This is our first mistake. We don’t frame these resolutions as growing or improving, but instead as getting rid of something. We focus more on the shame and unhappiness we have right now than the potential we have for the future. Instead of focusing on that person we could become, we become caught up in what we don’t like about our current selves.
The first step we can take to find more effective resolutions is to focus on something more positive. Instead of setting goals that focus on what we dislike about ourselves, we can focus on what we hope to become.
Still, this isn’t enough. We can set positive goals for ourselves and still fail to achieve them. It’s not just a matter of motivation. Often, it’s a practical matter: We set goals without thinking about how we can reach them.
The Two Components of Purpose
When we think about purpose, we can’t just think about the goals that we have. We have to think about the path we can take to get there. What’s the use of having a defined goal if there’s nothing that you could do to pursue it? This doesn’t make life more purposeful. If anything, it only makes life more difficult.
If you felt passionate about getting humanity to Mars but had no way to work towards that, would it really make you feel more fulfilled? If you have no way to work to get closer to that goal, how does it help? When we think about finding a sense of purpose and achievement, we need to think from a practical perspective. It’s about learning what we can do, not just what we should want.
If we want to look for a sense of purpose, we need more than just a goal. Real purpose has two parts: A destination and a path there. We need to understand what we’re after and what could bring us there.
Now, it’s rare that we set truly impossible goals. Most people making New Year’s resolutions choose things that are achievable. But we often set our goals in an ideal world instead of the real world.
There’s nothing wrong with thinking about this ideal world. But when we don’t think about it alongside the real world, it can become a distraction. It’s not enough to just think of a better world: We need to find a way to bridge the gap between this better future and the moment we’re in.
This year, when you make your resolutions, don’t just think about the goals. Think about both components of purpose: You need to know what you’re pursuing and how you’ll pursue it. Try to focus on the process instead of the results.
Resolutions for Habits
If vocation means one thing, it’s becoming the person you’re meant to be. And to become the person you’re meant to be, you need to build habits of virtue. For all of us, learning to grow in virtue is absolutely necessary to live out our lives to the fullest. Virtue means excellence in doing something. Improving at anything, then, necessarily means growing in virtue.
And virtue at its simplest is a habit. To be virtuous means that you do the good by nature. It’s not something that’s forced or unnatural. It’s learning to choose what’s right by instinct.
The Steps for an Effective Resolution
In trying to find a resolution, try to follow these steps:
1. Start by looking for a positive goal instead of something simply negative. Think more about finding something new than getting rid of something.
2. Look at the goal from a practical perspective. Ask just how it is that you can work to achieve it.
3. Think about the habits you can work on to achieve that goal. How can you become consistent? What can you do to grow closer to that goal every day?
4. Instead of focusing on the results, focus on the process. Set your goals by focusing on building those habits instead of just achieving one metric. Though the metrics are good, they aren’t the point: The real goal is growing as a person.
A resolution can guide you for 12 months, but a good habit can guide you forever. When you set your resolutions this year, start by thinking small—if you start small and focus on those habits and virtues, you’ll see a change that lasts your whole life.